Big Hard Son

JCJ on the Second Coming: A Humble Return

“You were all expecting lightning.
But I came like rain.
Soft. Silent. Healing the dust.”

Standing barefoot on cracked pavement outside a shuttered cathedral, Joseph Christian Jukic speaks calmly, almost like he’s remembering something rather than preaching.

JCJ:

“The first time He came, He was born in a stable.
The second time, it had to be even lower.
No crown. No angels singing.
Just a broken world… and me, walking through it.”

He looks around at the worn-out city blocks, the silent people scrolling their phones, the addicts sleeping under bridges, and the billionaires launching rockets into space.

JCJ:

“You wanted trumpets?
I brought a guitar.
You wanted an army?
I brought forgiveness.”

He smiles, not with pride, but with a deep, exhausted loveโ€”like a man whoโ€™s walked through war zones and family courts, prisons and psych wards, and still believes people can change.

JCJ:

“This isnโ€™t a second coming like some Hollywood reboot.
This is a second chance.
The humble return means I’m not above you.
Iโ€™m with you.
The same dust. The same hunger. The same dream.”

He quotes the Beatitudes from memory, not like a priest, but like someone whoโ€™s lived them:

โ€œBlessed are the poor in spirit.
Blessed are the ones who didnโ€™t give up.
Blessed are the ones who helped when no one was watching.”

JCJ closes with this:

“If you’re still waiting for someone to ride in on a white horse,
maybe check whoโ€™s walking beside you instead.
Thatโ€™s where youโ€™ll find me.”

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Trespassing

Jacob Rothschild (adjusting his tie):
“I must protest! I am nothing like thatโ€ฆ cartoonish plutocrat Mr. Burns. For one, my fortune is merely a modest billionโ€”hardly enough to buy the moon or block out the sun. And I certainly don’t keep hounds.”

(Pause. He raises a pale hand with a glint of mischief.)

“โ€ฆSmithers?”

Smithers (from behind a velvet curtain):
“Yes, sir?”

Jacob Rothschild (grinning slightly):
“Release the houndsโ€ฆ but only on Ned Flanders. That goody-two-shoes must be hiding something in that mustache.”

(Cut to Flanders watering his lawn)
“Okily dokilyโ€”AAAAHHH! DOGGILY DANGEROUS!”

(Cue dramatic orchestral music and a scrolling ticker that reads):
โ€œBREAKING: British Billionaire Denies Being Springfield Villain. Also, Unleashes Hounds.โ€

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The Cardinal of Croatia

Title: The Conclave of the Just

The bells of Saint Peterโ€™s had not rung in this tone for decades โ€” low, hesitant, almost unsure of what world awaited its next shepherd. The year was 2025, and the conclave had begun. The College of Cardinals gathered under Michelangeloโ€™s ceiling, weighed down not only by age, but by scandal, climate catastrophe, and the crumbling faith of the poor.

Behind the scenes, two names echoed like quiet thunder: Father Sebastian of Haiti, beloved by orphans and feared by corrupt bishops, and Joe Jukic, the bold and rebellious theologian from Croatia โ€” a man not yet a cardinal, but whose voice had reached the ears of faithful youth worldwide.


Inside the Sistine Chapel

“Father Sebastian is too radical,” whispered an Italian bishop.
“He walks barefoot through cholera wards and refuses silk vestments. He baptized a gang leader with sea water in a plastic cup.”

“But the people love him,” replied another.
“And he speaks Latin, Creole, and the truth.”


Meanwhile, in Zagrebโ€ฆ

Joe Jukic sat in his modest home, watching the vote on a cracked laptop screen. When the Vatican emissary knocked on his door, he was already shaking his head.

โ€œIโ€™ll only accept the red hat,โ€ Joe said, โ€œif I can remain married. I wonโ€™t lie to the people. I have a wife, and I will love her openly, not in secret.”

The envoy stammered. โ€œThat is notโ€ฆ customary, Signore Jukic.โ€

Joe poured him a glass of wine.

“Then it’s time to change the custom.”


The Conclave Breaks Tradition

Word spread quickly. Joeโ€™s terms shocked the Vatican’s old guard, but inspired millions. Videos of Joe quoting scripture on love and truth went viral. Priests in slums and warzones began calling him โ€œCardinal of the People.โ€

Inside the conclave, a new vote was cast.

And with thunderous surprise, the ballots read:

“Sebastian, from Haiti โ€” for Pope.”

On the fifth vote, he accepted the name Pope Gelasius II, in honor of the first African pope of the 5th century.


In His First Address

Standing beneath the balconyโ€™s white curtain, Pope Gelasius II raised a hand for silence.

โ€œI will serve not as king, but as barefoot servant. And as my first act, I appoint Cardinal Joe Jukic of Croatia, husband, teacher, and voice of a new day. May his marriage remind us that love is sacred โ€” not secret.โ€


A New Era Begins

Cardinal Jukic wept as his red robes were placed over his shoulders โ€” beside his wife, who held his hand and whispered a prayer.

Together with Pope Gelasius II, they walked out onto the square โ€” not above the people, but among them.

The crowd cried: โ€œPax veritas! Peace through truth!โ€

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